i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
