It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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