Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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