So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
