Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
