Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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