Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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