dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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