i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
