worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
