Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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