I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
