I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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