My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
