Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
