If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
