Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.

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(407): View more from Florida

Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.

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(858): View more from California

I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth

(1-858): View more from California

Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?

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(604): View more from British Columbia

omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life

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(817): View more from Texas

I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm never eating chinese again.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.

(734): View more from Michigan

please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso

(603): View more from New Hampshire

:)

(603): View more from New Hampshire

i can feel colors

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