It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize