eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
tell me about the eggs
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
