It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
