Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
