Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
a search helicopter?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
