I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
