Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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