sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
