So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drake has all the answers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
