RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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