Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize