Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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