i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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