YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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