If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
