I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
