CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize