If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
