im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
