I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
how drunk are you?
Several
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize