Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
