Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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