# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
