ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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