new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
