I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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