those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
