Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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