I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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