My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
