Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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