I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
