if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
