You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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