My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
