this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
