just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize