I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize