Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
