...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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