she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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