why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
‪Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best. ‬
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