I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone shit on the floor
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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