yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
