marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
