Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
