thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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