i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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