They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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