Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
