I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone signed my nipple.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
