I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
