I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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