if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
