im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
