I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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