what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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