You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
