thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
