The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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