Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
