my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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