i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
