So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
