come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
