i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she told me i tasted like america
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
