Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
