did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
