I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
