Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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