dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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