well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
