I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
