Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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