i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
