his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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