i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
