nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
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