Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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